how things should be

My eight-year-old cousin is visiting my family from Korea, and she is wise beyond her years. Yesterday, she solemnly told me, "There's this boy at our school, and he's a big sleaze. He goes out with so many girls. I mean, don't you think you should only like one person instead of liking everyone? Anyway, he went out with my best friend for awhile, which really surprised me. I was like, 'Do you like him?' and I thought she would say, 'No, he's a dirtbag!' but instead she said, 'A little,' and then they went out. Then it turned out that he was going with someone else too. So we hunted him down and beat him up. Then she dumped him."

It's brilliant.

explosive camping

Went camping with three of my friends this weekend in Morro Bay. It was obviously friggin' awesome, but like most amazing things, you had to be there, so writing about it is futile because it will never really capture how great it was. I am only typing this entry to tell you that I accidentally threw a lighter into the campfire, and it blew up like a bomb, BOOM! I was trying to throw dirt into the firepit to put out the flames, so we could go wander somewhere and drink beer--unfortunately, the lighter was sitting in the pile of dirt I happened to grab. I threw it all in and then saw the lighter sitting there, purple and plastic and completely engulfed in flames. "Shit!" I yelled. "What?" asked my friends. "I need a stick, I need a--" BOOOOM! My friends stared at the (still-going) fire, stunned, their faces covered in ash. The smell of burnt plastic wafted into the air.

It was terrifying and then hilarious.

saving ankles

So up until now, I haven't really mentioned my father at all in this blog. That's because he and I never talk. It's not really a big deal, we get along (sort of), we just don't gab on the phone daily the way my mother and I do. But this morning at 7:20 am, out of nowhere, he calls me from Vancouver, where my family is vacationing. He's been out jogging, he says, and just called to say hi because the view was so breathtaking. Make sure you're careful not to twist your ankles when you run. Okay, that's all, bye, he says, and hangs up.

It's very rare for my dad to do something affectionate, so I thought I'd write it here.

blow me SCOTUS

The Supreme Court is retarded. You can't say segregation is unconstitutional and then keep finding desegregation efforts unconstitutional just because people are still racist and segregate themselves. THAT IS RETARDED.

nostalgia

By this time tomorrow, will be in New Orleans to prepare for the wedding of one of my best friends of all time. It's not even me getting married, and still can't believe this is happening. How did we get here so fast? Seems like only yesterday, we were pitching tents in the backyard, swearing off boys forever and vowing loyalty only to our friends.

Oh wait, for me, that was yesterday, oops.

:-)

:-)

a cranky letter

Dear Cashier,

Hello. If you see me at the grocery store dressed like a total yuppie square, trudging around with my shopping cart at 11:00 pm in 3 inch heels, clearly I did not dress like that just to go for a midnight snack and am actually stopping by on my way home from a realllllllly long work day. And if I couldn't wait till the next day to come, it means I had to buy something absolutely essential, like water or toilet paper, which means I really don't want to be there. So let that be a sign to you next time that I don't want to be asked questions about every single item I am purchasing like, "Oh, microwave dinner, huh? So you live alone and can't cook?" "Oh, People magazine, eh? What's Lindsey Lohan up to these days?" "Why the gum? No time to brush your teeth? Sometimes I don't brush in the morning and just grab some gum, haha." OH MY GOD.

- UB

boys are all talk

So I'm out with three guy friends, watching the UFC tournament (truly the most painful thing I've ever seen), and they're being objectifying and manly, as usual, and laughing at me because I seem bored, and threatening to go to a strip club, which I guess is supposed to be the penultimate form of torture for a girl when she's out with her guy friends. So finally, I said, "Fine, let's go to a strip club!" which was followed by a brief dumbfounded silence and everybody filing into my car somewhat baffledly. We're almost there, when I hear quietly in the back seat, "I don't wanna go to a stripclub..." which led to a conversation (*not* instigated by me) about how it was not a turn-on to watch women objectify themselves to try to make ends meet for themselves and whatever kid they're trying to put through school. So we turned around and went back home.

Inside, I am laughing still.

gasp

oh my god.

i love l.a.

haha

That is the sound of me laughing at myself.

admin exam

:-(

my doodie as a law student

Some people have been perplexed by my away messages on AIM involving doodie. The reason I keep referencing doodie is to practice--this summer, I plan to replace the word "duty" in all of my briefs with "doodie." So obviously I have to practice discussing doodie in a legal context.

On a different note, I am writing my Theory of Law paper on why the law school curriculum is a detriment to the fundamental core of democracy.

evidence

Sometimes I read my papers from college to get inspiration for a paper I'm working on, and that's when I know for sure that since I started law school, I have destroyed so many of my brain cells from too much drinking. Christ, I used to be smart. Now I have to squeeze my brain to follow my own self's train of thought. Don't drink, kids. It just makes bad decisions seem good, and then you hate yourself--you can't take back those dialed calls that appear in your phone the next morning, that person will be back to being unattractive when you wake up, and those gaps in your memory are indications that you did something really bad, like curse at strangers before passing out in your own vomit. Then, all you'll have left to comfort you is the fact that you have too little brain cells to care anymore. No amount of pain-numbing alcohol is worth these consequences.

...

AGGGGGH!

...

AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!!

a great start

I just woke up and accidentally called my cell phone from my house phone, answered my cell while still on the house phone, and had a 30 second confusing conversation with myself. This is going to be a fantastic day.

a divine chuckle

Often, I think that God is laughing at me.

so much fury

I don't see how I can be expected to get my stupid life together if the stupid weather insists on stupidly pissing all over my day for the next stupid week. I am seriously so annoyed and irritated. This is probably all I will write about for the next four days.

a long-and-coming outburst

Dear Cambridge Weather,

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HAAAAAAATTTTTTTTE YOOUUUUUUU!!!

Disrespectfully Yours,
UB

the stupidest day ever

Today I slammed a car door on my forehead while I was closing it, and I was dizzy and it was bleeding, so I went to Health Services where they also told me I needed a tetanus shot, so then I got a tetanus shot, and then it snowed, so then I walked home in the slush with a bloody head and wet feet. Also I went to class.

Next day, PLEASE.

(edit: plus apparently it's not spelled tetnus, although it should be)

my oriental eyes

I lost one of my contact lenses, so I went in yesterday to get them replaced. Now, I've always worn gas permeable (hard) lenses because my prescription is ridiculous (about a -12), so I asked how much they were. This is what the doctor said.

"I don't know anyone who wears gas permeable lenses nowadays. I know that people of the oriental persuasion tend to have small eyes--so on that side of the world, they prescribe hard lenses. But on this side of the world, we use soft lenses."

So I'm a little confused. Do I stick to hard lenses on account of my chinky eyes, or do I switch to soft lenses so I can assimilate to "this side of the world"?

I forgive him. He was like 90.

regrets

I went to all my classes today and didn't pay attention for a single minute. All my notes look like this:

March 19, 2007

- corporatism...?
- ...?

Yay.

cravings

AGH I WANT A DOG!!

(sigh)

who i am

I have realized that I am basically Eliot Reed on Scrubs. We are the exact same person.

the morning-after conversation (reprise)

This morning, I woke up with the worst kind of hangover--the kind where you still feel the wine running through your veins. I asked my roommate what happened last night. Our conversation went like this:

Me: What happened last night?
Her: You had a few drinks and did nothing embarrassing whatsoever. You acted with complete dignity and self-respect.
Me: Oh great.
Her: There was that one thing, though...
Me: What?
Her: You did hug all of your friends and tell them that you loved them.
Me: Oh that's nice!

Except imagine the total opposite of that conversation.

it's personal

A lot of people ask me why I don't write personal things in here.

Because it's personal.

Duh.

(maybe i'll try to be more personal in the future)

puppy snores

There is a floppy puppy passed out against my leg that is snoring louder than a volcano. I don't blame him--he's had a rough day, after all, what with pooping twice on our rug, pissing in the kitchen, chewing up my roommate's flipflops (shredding is actually more apt than chewing), and humping the leg of one of our guests for a long time.

cranky

I'm having a really cranky day, induced by sugar/flour withdrawal, continued inability to fit into clothes, really wet feet from the slush storm, impending conference insanity, and the fact that I keep missing classes. That means my head is racing with rash thoughts. For example, I finally dragged myself to Anal Meth 40 minutes late only to find some douchebag in my seat. Totally understandable, I guess, since it's empty half the time. But how do I really feel? I would like to strangle his scrawny little seat-stealing neck until his face explodes, all the while screaming, "THERE IS A FUCKING SEATING CHART, YOU SHITFACE, GET OUT OF MY CHAIR."

Maybe don't talk to me today. :D

scarface

If anyone asks about the cut on my face, I got in a huge barfight with a 300 pound Amazon at the People's Republic because she told me I threw darts like a pre-pubescent boy. I did not, for the record, skid on an icy cobblestone sidewalk in 4 inch red heels and scrape my face on the ground.

knowing when to lose

Seriously, I'm no football fan (I have only recently been forced to understand the game a little more because people like my amazing TV and watch games in HD here; also because I watch Friday Night Lights and want to marry Matt Saracen, in spite of the slightly pedophilic implications of this), but the Colts should not have won. Simply because who cares about Indiana--who is even from there? I think I know one person from there, and I don't even remember who that person is, so it doesn't even count!

When you're the team for a state that no one cares about (and is Republican for that matter), you should just lose. On principal.

favorite headline of the day

For all my ranting, sometimes I truly love CNN.com for being able to come up with headlines like:

Phone in her throat, boyfriend may get cell time

Such wit, such ingenious punning!

The best part of the story is the part where the guy says that he didn't do it, that she tried to swallow her phone to stop him from seeing who she was talking to. Totally plausible. It occurs to me to try to swallow my phone all the time. In fact, I'm going to go try to do that right now.

friday night visits

What I love best about Friday Night Lights is that no one has heard of a phone, email, IM, or facebook. If Jason Street has to talk to Coach, he shows up at his door at 11 pm. No one thinks it's creepy--there is no other way to interact in this universe!

Of course, the practical explanation is that non-face-to-face interactions make for shitty TV.

I guess what's even funnier than Friday Night Lights having only face-to-face interactions is that in real life, the face-to-face interaction is becoming practically non-existent.

de ja vu

When we walked into the hotel ballroom, Justin Timberlake was playing in the background as hundreds of students dressed up in their finest (dresses and suits and all) milled around, dancing and talking. Meanwhile a slideshow of pictures from our first year and half was projected against a wall behind us.

Wait, I swear, I have been here before.

brink of explosion

I just ate so much that my stomach may actually explode. EXPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE.

darts master

I am soooooo good at darts. Don't even try to challenge me. For I am the master.

negative twelve

Apparently, right now, it feels like -12 degrees with windchill. I will not be experiencing this, because I do not plan to move from my place on this couch, under this blanket, until winter is over. See you in the spring.

hahaha

Last night, for the first time, I watched a football game sort of knowing what was happening (and yes, it was very sad that the Patriots/white team lost), and I, along with probably everyone else watching, wanted to punch Reche Crackhead-Eyes Caldwell for being a complete loser. But then I learned just now that not only did he drop the ball twice but that his only job is to catch the ball.

HAHAHAHA.

I'm sure this is not amusing at all to you football folk.

the sexiest "yes" ever

From tonight's "The Office":

Karen: Do you still have feelings for her?

Jim: [pause] Yes.

GOD JIM WHY ARE YOU SOOOOO HOT

resolutions 2007

In 2007, I will:
- exercise more
- procrastinate less
- go to more classes
- do some reading, and not just two days before the final
- eat healthier, and not following a diet
- cook more
- be more forgiving
- clean house more
- show my appreciation for my friends through actions, not just through words or simply by virtue of existing
- let things go

I will NOT:
- complain so much
- try to learn an entire legal subject in three days
- compare myself to people
- obsess about stupid things
- be so sensitive or judgmental
- eat any of my roommates' food, especially if 1) it is in a to-go box or 2) it is wrapped in pink saran wrap
- lose temper so often with parents and sister
- waste time online
- lose memories from the night before, because I will also not
- drink so much