a cranky letter

Dear Cashier,

Hello. If you see me at the grocery store dressed like a total yuppie square, trudging around with my shopping cart at 11:00 pm in 3 inch heels, clearly I did not dress like that just to go for a midnight snack and am actually stopping by on my way home from a realllllllly long work day. And if I couldn't wait till the next day to come, it means I had to buy something absolutely essential, like water or toilet paper, which means I really don't want to be there. So let that be a sign to you next time that I don't want to be asked questions about every single item I am purchasing like, "Oh, microwave dinner, huh? So you live alone and can't cook?" "Oh, People magazine, eh? What's Lindsey Lohan up to these days?" "Why the gum? No time to brush your teeth? Sometimes I don't brush in the morning and just grab some gum, haha." OH MY GOD.

- UB