it can be done

Got to the airport at 6:55 for a 7:30 flight. Made it on the plane in time, without cutting in line and without killing the excruciatingly slow old couple in front of me in the security line. I have superpowers.

ninja assassin

Last night, my family and I did something we haven't done together in twelve years--we went to see a movie. As you can imagine, since my parents don't really speak English, there is nothing more boring for them than to be trapped in a theater in front of a loud movie that doesn't have Korean subtitles. They made an exception, though, for Ninja Assassin, a movie that stars Rain, one of Korea's most famous pop stars. My parents were fascinated by the idea that he would speak English in the film. My sister and I, on the other hand, were going to check out his hot bod.

Since my dad is a fan of action films, he was especially excited to watch the movie, right up until the first fifteen minutes, when he realized that our beloved Korean pop icon was playing a Japanese character. "Why is he pretending he is Japanese?" he demanded.

I explained to him that white people thought all Asians looked alike, and in Hollywood inter-Asian casting happened all the time.

"You mean they can't tell us apart?!" he barked.

My poor dad. Here he was, looking forward to a blood-letting action film, and he ended up too distracted by Rain being Japanese and food coma to enjoy himself. My sister and I, on the other hand, got what we went there for. Rain is smokin'.

breaking up over the phone/email

I just wanted to note that I am actually in favor of the above methods. People always complain that "s/he didn't even do it in person!" but really, would that have made it better? Think of how awkward it is for the dumper--they have to make plans with you to see you in person, which means they have to act like nothing is wrong, and then they have to say those excruciatingly awkward words that must ultimately convey, "I just don't like you anymore." Afterwards, they have to sit there uncomfortably as you cry. Is that really better?

No. Email and phone are the way to go. It's easier, it's quicker, it's less awkward, you don't have to see each other after it's over with, and best of all, it gives the person who was dumped a chance to say, "I'm not upset about the *break up*, I just can't believe s/he did it over the phone!" It's perfect. You're planting in the dumpee that first seed of blame, helping them realize, in fact, *you* were the deficient one, and they deserved better, which is what they need to move on anyway. Trust me. You're doing them a favor. Take one for the team.

i am a god

I ran a half-marathon this morning and then came home and cooked a Thanksgiving meal for five hours. That is all.

tums are delicious

An abridged version of a fascinating discussion about healthcare:

Friend: i'm on a diet. if i take flaxseed like in a capsule do i have to count the calories?
Me: oh god. if it's got calories listed on the bottle, i guess so. if the bottle doesn't say, it doesn't count.
Friend: no it's like a vitamin shoppe thing.
Me: hmm. well most medicines that have calories say so. like tums. 5 calories a tablet!
Friend: wait. tums has calories?
Me: the delicious kind that i eat do. assorted berry flavored tums. man that shit is good.
Friend: lol. dont eat too much of them.
Me: i only got them bc i was stuck in line at the pharmacy. and i was HUNGRY, and that was the only edible thing i could buy.
Friend: oh god.
Me: and i was pissed bc after i bought them, the warning label said you couldn't eat more than 7 a day, and i was like WTF.
Friend: they are medicine! you shouldn't just eat them like candy.
Me: they are delicious and i was hungry! they shouldn't make them so good then.
Friend: get some candy
Me: there was no candy! i was at the stupid kaiser pharmacy. they should stock power bars or something.
Friend: they make them taste good for the people who have to take them. i get indigestion sometimes. so i keep them in the house.
Me: shit i eat them as a snack. have you had the assorted berries?
Friend: lol no. i get tums smoothies.
Me: the berries are better than the smoothie version.
Friend: i'm not taking it for flavor. i take them when i feel like there's something stuck in my throat.
Me: you are missing out.
Friend: stop eating them immediately. you have to stop.
Me: i just ate two during this conversation. they were delicious.

ANOTHER EMERGENCY

I LOST MY TABASCO SAUCE

best morning ever

12 miles along Pacific coast, topped off by 15 minutes of icing feet in the ocean and then In-n-Out cheeseburger animal style. In November. Okay. I think I officially love LA again.

lunar maria

They found water on the moon. Unbelievable.

refusal

And God said to me, "Stop whining about your allergies."

And I sneezed and sniffled and said, "No."

drinking alone

Today, I was cleaning my apartment, when I noticed an open bottle of wine on my counter. I remembered opening it a week or so ago when a friend was over for dinner. Worried that it would go bad and therefore to waste, I sat down after I finished cleaning and polished off the bottle. It occurred to me that this was my first time ever drinking alone.

I better not look back at this entry someday and think, 'This is how it all started.'