inspired

In light of my previous entry, I have decided that my newest money-making venture will be to write a romance novel called, "The Duke, Me, and My Kidney Stone: A Love Story." It will be an instant best-seller.

light therapy

Lately, I've had a hard time getting up in the morning and have been in a lousy mood in general. Rather than attribute this flawed behavior to my own inherent laziness and overanalytical self-absorption, I have decided to blame it on the fact that I don't get enough sunlight (in my defense, I do work in a windowless office). That is why I just bought this awesome sun lamp that tricks your brain into thinking you're in the sun.

I am convinced that once I get that lamp, I will wake up earlier, have more energy, and become a pleasant person to be around again. One reviewer even said it helped with weightloss. Clearly a miracle product. My friend points out that I live in Los Angeles, where the sun never sets, and no longer in Cambridge, where the sun goes to die. Thus, she says, it is highly unlikely that lack of sunlight is my problem. She is probably correct. But I am choosing to ignore her because I want to believe that spending fifty bucks on this lamp will solve all of my problems.

oh. my. god.

My dream has finally come true. Finally, they will have a pill for those of us with bald eyes. This is way better than eyelash transplants, the only other option for having naturally longer lashes, which involves transplanting hair from your scalp onto your eyelid. The problem with that, of course, is that the hair on your scalp is not programmed to stop growing at a certain length, leaving you with hairy hairy eyes. Also, it's really gross. This pill is a great improvement. Too bad it's $120 a month. Really, on my list of priorities, if I had that much money to spend, I'd get cable first. After saving up for a TV.

money

Could someone just give me a million dollars? It would really solve all of my problems in life.