what i have learned in new zealand so far

I have been in New Zealand for about three days now, the first part of my 21-day hurrah before I (1) turn 30 and (2) start my new job, and this is what I have learned so far:

- New Zealand has more Asian people than Asia, and most of them are Korean.

- When a baby screams and punches you on a plane, its mother will just talk to it in an urgent voice, saying, "Now now, you know better than to do that," as if her eight-month-old screaming child understands why it is punching me, or why it is screaming for that matter. I am all for babies, I am. My politics are what they are, but I can confidently say I am pretty pro-baby, you know, once they are out of the womb and all. But I don't understand this whole babies-fly-and-ride-for free thing, like they are just an extra carry on purse you are bringing. No. Purses are quiet and nonviolent. Your baby is a crying screaming pooping punching machine. You should have to pay something for bringing that baby on board, if not to the airline then to the poor suffering soul who got stuck in the broken middle seat next to you on an international flight to New Zealand. Maybe if you had to pay to bring that baby, you would have to think really hard about whether you really need to be traveling with a baby. Can you leave the baby with a trusted family member if you're only going to be away for a short amount of time? Are you being overly protective? If no one can watch your baby, do you really have to go at all? These are the things I think about, long and hard, when considering what to do with my dogs when I travel. To come on this three-week long vacation, for example, I flew my mother out to Los Angeles all the way from Atlanta so that she could watch my dogs while I am away. Would I have gone to the trouble if it were free to fly with dogs on a plane? Probably not. With all due respect though, my dogs don't punch people, and they sure as hell shut up when I tell them to. So maybe we have it backwards here. Maybe they need to make flying with your dog free, and flying with your baby should cost a fortune. I am going to write someone a letter. 

- I was absolutely right to go on one last backpacking trip before turning 30 because I have realized that I am over hostels and those who inhabit them. No, 21-year-old girl from Germany sharing my disgusting bunkbed, I do not want to bail on the tour I paid for to go with you to find a job on a farm that will let you stay for free in exchange for free labor. No, tonedeaf kid who brought his guitar to the common dining area, I do not want to hear that song you wrote, and also you are talentless and everybody hates you. By the way, as we speak, my newest bunkmate, an 18-year-old boy from Germany, just offered me  a muffin and told me about his plan to drive around New Zealand with a random group of dudes he just met. Just last year, I would have wanted to join in, but today, I find myself relieved that I booked a tour, and it is starting tomorrow.

- I am old.