dental bankruptcy

This morning, I went to my dentist for a check up, ignoring every instinct in me that was screaming, "Doooon't goooooooo!!!" Last year, my visit resulted in two root canals and two crowns--one of the main reasons I am broke. This year?

One cracked tooth, one potential root canal, and three crowns.

Guiltily, I slunk off to work and proceeded to shoot accusatory glances at the chocolate dish in the office across the hallway. As I mulled over my dental and financial dilemma, I thought about all of the chocolate I ate at work everyday and contemplated killing the skinny co-worker who keeps them in her the office. Seriously, who brings chocolate to work anymore? NEWSFLASH: WE HAVE AN OBESITY EPIDEMIC IN AMERICA. Find another way to make your co-workers love you.

Ready to make a change for the sake of my teeth and my wallet, I Googled "chocolate tooth decay" to educate myself on the effect of chocolate on teeth. Only to my surprise, I didn't find articles lamenting the damage chocolate does to your teeth--instead, I found a string of articles asserting that chocolate fights tooth decay. Of all sweets, chocolate is apparently the least likely to cause cavities. Pure joy!!! So now I'm satisfied. Sure, my teeth may fall out by the age of 40 and cost me millions of dollars, but at least I'll know that it wasn't my fault. In the end, that's all that matters.

root canal

As I was getting my root canal this morning, I couldn't help but notice that my endodontist was a little nuts. She was humming throughout the entire procedure and kept asking me questions, even though there was a giant metal contraption holding my mouth open. About an hour in, she paused in her drilling and said, "Did you hear that?" Since I had been instructed by her not to move my head and couldn't form any words, I attempted to communicate "No" to her with my eyes. "I think there is a mouse in the ceiling," she said. Then she continued drilling.

???

It must be hard to be an endodontist.