holy shit

I just realized my parents are visiting me in three weeks. I have three weeks to lose 20 pounds!

FUCK

career options

Tonight, I met a Scottish bartender at a bar, except he wasn't working there, he was drinking. He's been a bartender for 15 years and he's loaded. He even owns horses that he keeps at the same stables that Jennifer Aniston keeps hers at (apparently she has a horse). He was at the bar with his Scottish mom who was named Bunny, and they bought us drinks and gave us chocolate.

That is awesome. I want to be a Scottish horseback riding bartender who goes to bars with his mom named Bunny. Clearly I chose the wrong profession. I mean, I can't even afford a horse. What's the point of being a lawyer if you don't have a horse? I don't even have a dog.

oops

I just ate 900 calories worth of chocolate in one sitting.

UNDO UNDO